What does it mean to be strong?

I never really thought of myself as out-of-the-ordinary or any stronger that the next person. I mean, I'm far from a superhero. This goes double for when I was in high school. Senior retreat made me ask, "What does it mean to be strong?"

Let me digress...I attended a private, Catholic high school, and each year they held a senior retreat for four days for the graduating class. Obviously, not the entire class, though ours was pretty small at a whopping 98 students. They held several sessions and we signed up to go on one. Several of my close friends went on the same retreat as I did, as well as many people I attended elementary school with, many people I didn't know hardly at all and a few people I just plain didn't like. I can't really go into detail about the retreat, as it is a unique event that should be experienced without being skewed by someone else's version.

Some of my classmates knew about my mother having cancer, but not all, as some of them hardly knew me, either. At one point, I shared that aspect of my life with the group. Later that day as I sat in my room doing something unmemorable, one of my classmates that I only knew by name stopped by my room. I thought she was there to see my roommate, but she was there to talk to me. She shared with me that she was sorry that my mom was sick, because she didn't know what she would do if she lost her mom. To go up to someone you have no prior relationship with and be so open took so much strength. We had a nice talk about how I dealt with it and how it had changed my life at home/my relationship with my mom.

Toward the end of the retreat, I saw another classmate get up to share with the group. This particular classmate was one with whom I went to school since first grade. She was one of the popular kids, and I most definitely was not. There were quite a few times growing up that I would get upset/angry/embarrassed/etc about something she had done or said to me/about me. I just plain didn't like her.

She shared with the group that she felt I was incredibly strong for going through what I was with my mom's cancer. I was shocked. Floored. Almost without words (notice I said almost). Shortly after, I got up and said that she was also strong for being able to say that, given how much I thought she hated me. We actually hugged, and a mutual respect for each other came about from the retreat. I will never forget how she made me feel for all those years, but there comes a time to be show strength of character and put it behind you.

After we were done with the retreat, we were taken back to the school where our parents came to pick us up. I had been thinking quite a bit about all these people who had told me I was strong. I was just living...I wasn't doing anything special. I didn't choose for my mom to have ovarian cancer, but I had to play the hand I was dealt. So, what made me so strong that people would tell me, privately and publicly, how much they admired me for it?

I realized it was my mom that gave me my strength. I was only living, but she was not only living, she was LIVING, and that in itself required a great deal of strength. The way I was able to persevere was by watching how she maintained her faith and positivity through her illness. When my mom and dad picked me up, I made a point of telling her how much she inspired me and how much I respected and loved her. It meant so much to her and we both had a touching moment together.

More than ten years later, having now lost her, each day I keep living, and I still draw strength from how she lived all the way up to her last day. Hopefully I can pass on a small part of that strength to my children someday.

**EDIT: soooo sorry about the wall of text. I forgot to put line breaks in. Fixed now!

All pieces pictured on blog posts dated on or after June 23, 2012 are available for order. Every piece is hand-crafted and no two pieces are exactly the same. Custom orders are accepted. Prices are negotiable--50% of the proceeds is used to buy more beading materials and 50% is donated to an ovarian cancer organization. Email me at janinemkr@gmail.com for order requests! RIP Rita Ann 7/1/2001