Is it September already?!

I was so excited yesterday when September arrived. So excited, in fact, that I forgot that "Wear Teal Day" is actually the first Friday of September and not the first of September. Oops. So, I wore teal for the heck of it, it seems. I'm ok with that.

I decided this blog post will not be about pictures of my jewelry or information about the events I'm doing this month (because I'm sure there will be plenty of other opportunities to talk about those). This blog will be about remembering my mom as it relates to ovarian cancer awareness.

I guess the best place to start would be at the beginning. One day in October (or was it November...I'm not quite sure. I didn't realize at the time I would need to remember), my parents sat me (15 years old), my brother (13 years old) and my sister (10 years old) down and told us that my mother had cancer. I don't remember being shocked, but I'm sure that I was. I don't remember what questions I asked, but I'm sure that I did. What I do remember is that I had an anatomy test the next day.

These anatomy tests consisted of memorizing key words in the pages and pages of notes that became the tests with blanks where the key words went. There was no room for error, and there was certainly no room for distraction. Try as I might, I apparently did not hide my distraction well, as the teacher called me up after class to ask what was wrong. Tearfully, I said my mother had told us she had cancer. He comfortingly told me I could have taken the test another day. But, that was not how my mother raised me.

My mother raised a self-sufficient and independent woman, one who would rather take a lower grade that she earned than be given extra studying time out of pity. While I lost that woman a little after my mother passed, during the three years I leaned heavily on my ex-husband just to survive through the pain I suppressed, I slowly found her again. Maybe not as independent or as self-sufficient...I'm working on being ok asking for help...but I strive every day to be a woman she would be proud of.

Now, here I am, older than my mother was when she had me, wiser than the teenager I was when she died and happier with my life than the three years I spent just trying to survive and the years after that where I had to find myself again. It's taken a long time to recover from the loss of my mother eleven years ago. I read a quote recently, and I apologize that I don't have the source, but it said "You don't ever get over losing a parent. You just get used to it." I will never fully recover from it. I can only do what I can to make it easier, like doing my teal jewelry or participating in the ovarian cancer events.

I'm ready to be a parent myself, and to pass along many of the same principles and values my mother and father gave me. I will try to help my children be people she would be proud of, and to keep her memory alive. I will tell them about their amazing grandmother, and how she battled against cancer for four years, all for her family. If that's not ovarian cancer awareness, I don't know what is.

P.S. Remind me to write about the hat in church and the retreat closing.

All pieces pictured on blog posts dated on or after June 23, 2012 are available for order. Every piece is hand-crafted and no two pieces are exactly the same. Custom orders are accepted. Prices are negotiable--50% of the proceeds is used to buy more beading materials and 50% is donated to an ovarian cancer organization. Email me at janinemkr@gmail.com for order requests! RIP Rita Ann 7/1/2001